I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize