Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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