JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
