im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
