I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
