Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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