If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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