Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
