i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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