I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
