Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
