oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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