Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
the day after is always just damage control
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
