so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
