So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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