i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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