i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
