Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
