some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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