my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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