wanna go halves on a baby?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
