Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
