She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
