This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
