I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
