"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
What drink are we having for lunch?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
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