Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
