remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
