I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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