so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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