I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
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