How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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