i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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