Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I love having hate sex.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize