Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
What drink are we having for lunch?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
