So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
