He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
