It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
