does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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