I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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