That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
my shit smells like andre
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
