if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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