It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
