Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
