Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
