there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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