I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
