McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize