Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
