I want to have your abortion
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
