i think my tv is drunk
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
i need to put some appletini on your dick
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Randomize
