Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
