if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
