Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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