I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize