he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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