He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
