She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
