dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just pee around me
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
