Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize