If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
