Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
