3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
God, I missed his penis.
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