he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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