i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
