Yo dont text me then not text me
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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