Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
