sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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