Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
