It's Friday. Sex?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
