I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
no you cant smoke seaweed
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize